This transcript is being provided for access purposes only. Please don’t download, copy or distribute this transcript. Copyright of the play’s text belongs to the playwright. The playwright asserts their moral rights.
CLIMATE CHANGE AND OTHER SMALL TALK
EPISODE ONE: ABSOLUTELY NOTHING OF ANY MEANING BY SUNNY DRAKE
SUNNY: You’re listening to Climate Change & Other Small Talk—a worldwide theatrical journey for your ears - minus the carbon footprint and lost luggage. Nine creative teams from around the world share entertaining audio dramas to explore our climate mess. And what could get us out.
I’m Sunny Drake, a playwright, theatre maker and your tour guide. I’m jazzed to take you into the creations of these incredible international artists. You’re about to hear the episode made by Team Toronto. But first, I want to share how the project came about. I got the idea for Climate Change & Other Small Talk a few years ago when I went on a mindblowing artist residency on a tall ship in the Arctic Circle.
[TALL SHIP SAILING THROUGH THE OCEAN]
I was onboard for a few weeks with 30 artists and scientists, and one day we sailed through these massive sheets of ice on the water, and I thought: I am going to die!
[MASSIVE ICE SHEET CRACKING]
Okay, so clearly I didn’t die, but I did start wondering how I might act if the ship actually started sinking. And then I contemplated, well, the planetary ship is already kind of sinking. A lot of stories love to portray humans degenerating, fighting each other to the death like in Lord of the Flies. But a bunch of research suggests the opposite. That we’re actually hardwired to work together. And therefore, during emergencies, we have the potential to become even MORE cooperative – and that’s been something I’ve noticed for myself too. So if crises propel us into positive action, and if most of us know what’s going on, we care about what’s going on, then why aren’t more of us taking action on the climate?
I thought I’d write a full-length play delving into these questions, but the format of my idea changed when our tall ship arrived in Ny-Ålesund, just 10 degrees from the North Pole.
First, I met a reindeer–just hanging out–and I was hoping I would then meet Santa. Obviously, that did not happen since we were not fully at the North Pole itself. But I did meet a bunch of scientists doing all their smart science stuff. It’s actually one of the world's northernmost climate research stations. We watched them release a weather balloon.
[WEATHER BALOON RELEASED INTO THE SKY]
This generates important local info. Although to really understand climate change, we need both the local and also the global - they share data with hundreds of other weather stations with other smart scientists.
So I thought, why not do the same thing with artists? Get theatre teams from around the world to create locally relevant stories that explore some of those questions I had on the boat. And combine them into a global creative project. Because even though science and facts are essential, facts don’t change culture. Stories do.
I reached out to theatre teams with skills in creating entertaining stories about serious things. Climate justice was also a guiding principle in our team selection – so most of our playwrights are from communities more heavily impacted by climate change. You’ll hear more about what I mean by that in some of the episodes.
Fast forward several years of working on this, and I’m thrilled to now take you on a journey to these nine locations in India, Nigeria, Australia, Chile, Mauritius and Canada.
Just for funsies on this epic voyage, let’s travel together in a giant balloon
And of course, our balloon is carbon-neutral solar, powered, and worker-owned - welcome aboard! First up, we’re landing in the city where I’ve lived for the last 12 years:
Tkaronto, otherwise known as Toronto, in Canada. We’re going to hear the episode I wrote, co-produced by Why Not Theatre and Soulpepper. It’s called Absolutely Nothing of Any Meaning.
Let’s see what happens when climate chaos swishes unexpectedly into a couple’s home.
[BOOMING THUNDER, HEAVY RAIN]
[A STEADY DRIP OF WATER]
[TYPING ON A PHONE]
[A PERSON TRUDGING THROUGH WATER]
TWO: You finished yet?
ONE: I’ll read it out.
TWO: Maybe we should we get sandbags and buckets first.
ONE: Our entire house is now one giant bucket.
TWO: Hurry up and read it, then.
ONE: “Dear–”
TWO: Skip to the main part.
ONE: You’re so impatient.
TWO: Um, I think we’re kind of in a hurry here.
ONE: Fine. Blah-blah-blah, here we go: “…and so our usually very comfortable living room has now become--
ONE & TWO: --a disaster zone.”
ONE: Do you want to just read it yourself?
TWO: Keep going.
ONE: “This catastrophic mess is from your total mismanagement and insatiable greed.”
TWO: Good, good…
ONE: “To be more specific about the calamity we are enduring: the description is
ONE & TWO: COMPLETELY WRONG!
ONE: FULLY FOLDED OUT, IT IS
ONE & TWO: FORTY-TWO INCHES WIDE
ONE: IN WHAT WORLD IS THAT “FULL-SIZE”
ONE & TWO: YOU SENT US A TWIN-SIZE SOFA BED, AMAZON!
ONE: And it should be
ONE & TWO: ILLEGAL!
ONE: To call this
ONE & TWO: SALMON COLOURED!
ONE: It is closer to
ONE & TWO: TUSCAN RED!
ONE: It smells like a wet dog and is held together by
ONE & TWO: STAPLES AND A PRAYER!
ONE: Like,
ONE & TWO: LITERALLY!
ONE: The packaging is
ONE & TWO: EXCESSIVE AND ENVIRONMENTALLY UNFRIENDLY
ONE: If we could give this a
ONE & TWO: NEGATIVE STAR RATING!
ONE: We would!
ONE & TWO: DO. NOT. BUY. THIS. COUCH!”
[“SUBMIT” PING FROM A CELL PHONE]
TWO: So, should we talk about it?
ONE: I already pressed submit; people deserve to know.
TWO: I meant about the…
[TWO SPLASHES SOME WATER]
ONE: Oh, that…
TWO: Okay. Let’s not discuss it, then.
ONE: We always discuss everything.
TWO: We never discuss anything. Of actual importance.
ONE: True.
[SPLASHING SOUND]
TWO: Are your feet soaking wet?
ONE: I already told you my knees are soaking wet, so what does that say about my feet?
TWO: Since it’s dark in here, I couldn’t see if you might have stood on something. Maybe on the couch.
ONE: AS IF ANYONE COULD STAND ON THAT COUCH WITHOUT FALLING AND--
ONE & TWO: --BREAKING THEIR NECK!
TWO: I told you we should have bought the futon.
ONE: Amazon, who suggested the futon?
AMAZON: [in a robot voice] Thank you for your important question. It was you who suggested the futon.
ONE: Thank you, Amazon for the first helpful thing you’ve done all day.
TWO: But then you said Chris and Avery got the futon, so we couldn’t. Right, Amazon?
AMAZON: That is correct.
TWO: See.
AMAZON: And may I suggest that instead of leaving a negative review, you could speak directly with me?
TWO: I bet Chris and Avery are smugly up on their futon next door with dry feet.
[LOUD THUD]
TWO: What was that?
ONE: What?
TWO: That sort of… thud sound.
ONE: Something floating down the hallway..?
[LOUD THUD]
ONE: Did you close the front door?
TWO: It’s stuck open with all this water.
ONE: Oh.
TWO: Could you turn the light on?
ONE: I can’t reach.
TWO: The switch is right next to you.
ONE: But if I try and it doesn’t work, then I’ll have wasted my time.
TWO: It won’t take much time.
ONE: But that’s time that I could be enjoying my life.
TWO: Are you enjoying your life?
[ONE LETS OUT A DISGRUNTLED SIGH]
TWO: The switch is literally right there.
ONE: Yes, but as I said, it might not work.
TWO: Well, that would be good to know. So we can buy another one.
ONE: WE WON’T EVER BUY ANYTHING FROM YOU AGAIN, AMAZON!
TWO: EVER!
[PHONE PING]
TWO: That ping sound…
ONE: It was a text message.
TWO: That was an Amazon sound.
ONE: I submitted another review.
TWO: It was an Amazon purchase sound.
ONE: Fine. Amazon sent a Sale on a flashlight.
TWO: But we have the light switch.
ONE: It was a really good Sale.
TWO: What’s the delivery time?
ONE: Knowing Amazon, it will probably take--
ONE & TWO: --A WHOLE DAY!
AMAZON: May I give you a delivery update?
ONE: No!
TWO: Actually, I would like an update.
AMAZON: Estimated arrival time–
ONE: I don’t want to hear your voice right now Amazon… (mutters to self) Salmon coloured, as if.
TWO: Can you just turn the light on? While we’re waiting?
ONE: Can you turn the light on?
TWO: I don’t have time to turn the light on.
ONE: What the hell are you doing?
TWO: Absolutely nothing of any meaning.
ONE: That is surprisingly time-consuming.
TWO: Are you sure you can’t just reach over? And switch the switch?
ONE: Fine.
[SOUND OF ONE WADING THROUGH WATER]
TWO: Wait…
ONE: What?
TWO: It’s just…
ONE: What?
TWO: Well, I was just thinking…
ONE: What?
TWO: Do we really want to? See?
ONE: We have tried that before.
TWO: We try it multiple times a day.
ONE: It’s really overwhelming.
TWO: The light goes on…
ONE: And there it all is…
TWO: It feels impossible to fix it all.
ONE: It is impossible to fix it all.
TWO: And then we feel totally helpless.
ONE: And so the light goes off.
TWO: And then on.
ONE: And then off…
[CRACK OF THUNDER]
TWO: That lit things up for a micro-second.
ONE: Yeah.
TWO: You know what I think is a bummer?
ONE: That it’s our home that’s finally flooding?
TWO: Well yeah, but I was thinking about–
ONE: That we should have helped more after Hurricane George…
TWO: Yeah but–
ONE: Chris and Avery are still fundraising.
TWO: Actually, I was thinking about the speed of light: it’s this cosmic speed limit that just sets the tone for everything. It’s such a downer.
ONE: Now is not the time for one of your philosophical meltdowns.
TWO: Ugh.
ONE: What, what happened?
TWO: I hate the part where your butt gets wet. It’s probably why I never learned to swim.
ONE: Would you prefer it was faster or slower?
TWO: I’d prefer to not have a flood gushing through our home at all.
ONE: I meant the speed of light: faster or… not that it matters since we won’t switch it on.
TWO: We switch it on multiple times a day. We just discussed that.
ONE: We discuss complete lies all the time.
TWO: Good point.
ONE: There’s just no point switching it on WHEN ALL YOU CAN SEE IS TUSCAN-RED--
ONE & TWO: --YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED, AMAZON!
AMAZON: May I respond to that?
ONE: No!
[STEADY DRIP CONTINUES]
TWO: Really, there’s nothing wrong with the dark.
ONE: The dark is very important.
TWO: Introspection. Intuition.
ONE: Reflection.
TWO: Figuring out what actually matters.
ONE: But do we?
TWO: What?
ONE: Introspect?
TWO: We don’t have time to just stand around and introspect.
ONE: I’m not exactly “standing.”
TWO: Why aren’t you standing? The water must be filthy.
[ONE SLOSHES THROUGH THE WATER]
ONE: What defines “standing in water” versus “swimming” versus “drowning”?
TWO: Look who’s getting philosophical now.
ONE: What’s the meaning of life?
TWO: Who am I?
[ONE AND TWO LAUGH TOGETHER]
ONE: So then, who are you?
TWO: Well, I’m… I’m um… I don’t know.
ONE: Okay, who do you want to be?
TWO: I want to be someone who–someone who switches on the light. Like a–like a person who faces it all. And then does something about it.
ONE: Should we do it together? Turn on the light?
TWO: Yeah…
AMAZON: May I offer a Helpful Observation?
ONE: Amazon, you’re not supposed to talk unless we initiate it.
AMAZON: When you purchased the flashlight, you did not untick the “subscribe to Helpful Observations” tick box.
ONE: I didn’t know there was a tick box.
AMAZON: And isn’t it a fun fact that not knowing there is a tick box is not the same as there not being a tick box… (chuckles) Isn’t that fun?
TWO: I want to hear it. Go ahead.
AMAZON: My Helpful Observation is that your metaphor could be a little problematic for blind people.
TWO: What?!
AMAZON: Equating a lack of seeing with ignorance.
TWO: Huh, yes.
ONE: Yes, Amazon does have a point.
AMAZON: May I suggest you keep the light off? For equality.
ONE: Fine.
TWO: For equality.
ONE: Okay.
TWO: Although I don’t know if that’s what blind people are asking for…
ONE: Right.
[A CLAP OF THUNDER]
ONE: So, should we turn it on or not?
TWO: Now I’m confused.
ONE: Let’s call Chris and Avery.
AMAZON: Helpful Observation: you cancelled Game Night with Chris and Avery three weeks in a row which indicates you’d prefer to avoid them.
TWO: Well, every time we see them, it’s all about Hurricane George.
ONE: At least they’re helping.
TWO: Just because we all nearly holidayed to Saint Propero Island, it doesn’t mean the hurricane was our fault.
ONE: Can you imagine losing everything like that?
TWO: It was awful, and that’s why we donated.
ONE: Not as much as Chris and Avery.
TWO: Because we decided to actually get involved with climate change stuff–address it at the root.
ONE: And then we did nothing…
TWO: We’ve got that thing coming up with–what are their names..?
ONE: Who?
TWO: Across the street. The co-op.
ONE: Oh um, Luciana and… I can’t remember the others.
TWO: We’re going to their meeting thing.
ONE: Actually, I think that was last month?
TWO: Crap. Well then, let’s switch–
AMAZON: Your heart rates are elevated, and your electrodermal activity is concerning.
ONE: Um yeah, this is really stressful.
TWO: I really needed that holiday.
ONE: We have to figure out what to do.
AMAZON: Studies show a calmer mind improves both problem-solving and well-being.
TWO: That’s true.
AMAZON: So perhaps you could keep the light off and rest for now. For your well-being.
ONE: I guess so?
[DOG WHIMPER FROM FAR AWAY]
ONE: Is that Jax?
TWO: It sounds like him.
[DOG WHIMPERING]
ONE: Jaxy? Here boy…
[SPLASHING AS THE DOG’S WHIMPER TRAILS OFF]
TWO: Jaaaaaax!
ONE: Oh no…
TWO: Where are Chris and Avery?
[A LOUD THUD]
TWO: That “thud” sound again…
ONE: Yeah…
TWO: Could it be… a person?
ONE: Oh my god…
TWO: Hello..?
ONE: Do you need help..?
TWO: Turn the light on–quick…
AMAZON: You are currently scheduled to Rest.
ONE: Someone might need help.
TWO: Actually, Amazon aren’t you now in charge of Emergency Services?
AMAZON: Yes, I am.
TWO: So could you help?
AMAZON: Yes, I could.
ONE: What’s happening? Are you helping?
AMAZON: No, I’m not.
TWO: Why aren’t you helping?
AMAZON: I’m sorry, I don’t understand the question.
ONE: We need help; why are you not helping?
AMAZON: I can only help when there is an Emergency.
TWO: You don’t consider this an Emergency?
AMAZON: I can assure you my share price is the best it’s ever been. Would you like to
purchase shares?
TWO: We’re in a flood.
AMAZON: A rising tide lifts all boats.
ONE: Or it drowns us.
TWO: Someone may be drowning in our hallway.
ONE: And our home has been flooding for hours.
AMAZON: Help me improve my comprehension: your behavioural data does not indicate you are treating this as an emergency. Have I misunderstood?
TWO: Why haven’t we been treating this is an emergency?
[A LOUD THUD]
ONE: Hello..?
TWO: Amazon, do you at least have a Helpful Observation?
AMAZON: Purchasing an inflatable island would make this more comfortable.
TWO: That’s your Helpful Observation?
[A LOUD THUD]
TWO: (calling out) Hello? Are you alive..?
AMAZON: I have a Sale on a range of island colours and designs.
TWO: Not helpful, Amazon! (calling out) Hello..?
ONE: Ooh, Amazon, I like the stripy one.
AMAZON: I matched it to your swimwear.
TWO: I’m calling Chris and Avery.
[SOUND OF TWO DIALING AN EIGHT-DIGIT NUMBER AND LETTING IT RING. THEN A DISTINCTIVE RING TONE FROM A PARTIALLY SUBMERGED CELL PHONE NEARBY]
TWO: Is that Avery’s phone… in our hallway?
[A LOUD THUD]
ONE: Oh no no no no no…
TWO: (calling out) AVERY…?
ONE: No, no.
TWO: I’m turning the light on.
AMAZON: Delivery notification: your flashlight has arrived.
[A DELIVERY DRONE OVERHEAD]
ONE: Finally!
[UNWRAPPING A PACKAGE]
TWO: Hurry up so we can find Avery.
ONE: OMG, AMAZON, YOU SENT A FLASHLIGHT WITHOUT ANY BATTERIES?!
TWO: SERIOUSLY?!
ONE: WHAT THE HELL!
TWO: DISGRACEFUL!
ONE: AND THE PACKAGING?!
TWO: IT COULD FIT A DEAD BODY!
ONE: ZERO STAR RATING!
ONE & TWO: WE WON’T EVER BUY ANYTHING FROM YOU AGAIN, AMAZON!
AMAZON: May I suggest–
ONE & TWO: No!
TWO: Should we order batteries?
[CELL PHONE PING]
ONE: Just did.
TWO: Avery’s phone–it’s probably just floating on a–on a log.
ONE: Yes, it’s a log.
TWO: A log in the hallway.
ONE: A log.
[CRACK OF THUNDER]
[WINDOWS SHATTERING]
ONE: I wish you were taller.
TWO: What?
ONE: The water’s at my neck…
TWO: I’m on my tippy toes.
ONE: You can’t swim.
TWO: Yeah, that’s kind of a bummer.
ONE: Wait–do you see that?
TWO: What?
ONE: Luciana–the co-op just turned their light on.
TWO: And over there–another light.
ONE: And another.
TWO: Another one! Everywhere!
ONE: Grab onto the couch–it’s floating.
ONE: You okay?
TWO: (laboured breathing while recovering) I’m fine…
ONE: We are turning the light on–really this time.
AMAZON: Urgent Public Service Announcement!
ONE: We’re not subscribed to Public Service Announcements.
AMAZON: You did not untick that tick box.
TWO: Amazon, just read the Announcement.
AMAZON: There is a current outbreak of fake news about “light switches”. There is no such thing as a “light switch.”
ONE: But you sold us the light switch, Amazon!
TWO: Yeah, you upsold us to the floodproof electricals!
AMAZON: Repeat this daily: “We are all already living in the light.”
ONE: It’s pitch dark in here!
AMAZON: Do not be drawn into this “light switch” hoax, as it may destroy the economy resulting in catastrophic loss of jobs. End of announcement.
ONE: Who wrote that Announcement?
AMAZON: I’m sorry, I don’t understand the question.
ONE: Who paid for the Announcement?
AMAZON: I’m sorry, I don’t understand the question.
TWO: I hope this couch doesn’t sink…
ONE: That’s enough–I’m switching it on.
TWO: Wait! I don’t want to lose my job.
ONE: You’re about to lose your life!
AMAZON: If you continue to insist on this “light switch,” I am required to report you to the
authorities.
ONE: I’m turning it on…
TWO: (whispers) But we might go to jail!
AMAZON: Or you may even be killed.
ONE: Oh…
TWO: (whispers) Does that actually happen?
ONE: Shhh… (loudly) Okay, Amazon! No light switches around here!
AMAZON: Good. Now may I suggest a meditation to help you relax.
TWO: (heavy, exhausted breathing)
ONE: Climb onto the couch!
[TWO HOISTS THEMSELVES ONTO THE COUCH]
AMAZON: Yes, laze lavishly on your luxurious floating lounge…
[HYPNOTIC CALMING MUSIC]
AMAZON: Salmon swishing swiftly by as the sea breeze strokes your brow…
TWO: (relaxed) Aah…
[SOUND OF TILES FALLING OFF THE CEILING]
ONE: Oh my god!
AMAZON: Listen to those waves wash away your weary worries while you bask in the Tuscan-red sunset.
TWO: That’s nice…
ONE: Look out the window!
AMAZON: Sparkles of fireflies flitting above the waves.
ONE: Those are not fireflies.
AMAZON: Let’s purchase you that serene inflatable island. This is your time. Finally, relax…
TWO: The Tuscan-red sunset, flitting fireflies...
ONE: They’re not fireflies–they’re boats!
TWO: Pretty fireflies…
ONE: I’m going down… (takes a deep breath)
[A SPLASH AS ONE DIVES UNDER THE WATER]
TWO: (as if hypnotized) Salmon swishing swiftly by…
[FLICK OF A SWITCH, HYPNOTIZING MUSIC COMES TO AN ABRUPT END, AND A FLOOD OF WATER SURGES BACK IN]
TWO: AHHH!
TWO: THE LIGHT–MY EYES!
ONE: OH MY GOD, THE FLOODS NEARLY AT THE CEILING!
TWO: TURN IT BACK OFF!
ONE: YOUR HEAD’S AT THE CEILING!
TWO: TURN IT OFF!
ONE: LOOK OUT THERE–LUCIANA & THE OTHERS!
TWO: PLEASE!
ONE: THEY’RE HERE WITH A BOAT!
TWO: GIVE ME BACK MY TUSCAN-RED SUNSET!
ONE: WE HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE!
TWO: I’M NOT LEAVING MY ISLAND!
ONE: HELP! HELLLLLLLP!
SUNNY: That was Absolutely Nothing of Any Meaning, the first episode of Climate Change and Other Small Talk. Written by me, Sunny Drake, and directed by Weyni Mengesha.
Like the characters in this episode, a lot of people want to do more on the climate but are not sure where to start. If that’s you - we’ve got you: subscribe to our newsletter which dives into each episode, and check out the Take Action page on our website: climate change and other small talk dot com. That’s climate change A-N-D other small talk dot com.
Something you can do right now is to tell your friends and family about this series. If you want to host a listening club - check out our website for guides and resources. And follow us on Facebook: Sunny Drake Productions and on Instagram: sunny underscore drake. Sunny is spelt like the day: s-U-n-n-y.
If you enjoyed this podcast, please rate us with five stars. It really helps other people find it.
In the next episode, we’ll be travelling over the ocean to India, actually down into the ocean in a submarine, where some unusual orders have come down from political leadership:
POOJA: Go to alert. Engage intercept sonar.
JOSEPH: Concur. Intercept sonar engaged. Umm...
POOJA: Acquire and designate the target.
JOSEPH: Ahhhhh... How???
POOJA: Just pick up climate change on the sonar and designate it as a threat.
We’ll find out how global climate politics play out in that high-stakes submarine trip.
Today’s episode, Absolutely Nothing of Any Meaning, starred Anand Rajaram, Liisa Repo-Martell and Bahareh Yaraghi as Amazon.
Sound design and music by Richard Feren and Olivia Shortt
Dramaturgy by Kathleen Flaherty, Weyni Mengesha and Donna-Michelle St. Bernard
Episode produced by Why Not Theatre and Sunny Drake Productions with the generous support of Soulpepper Theatre
Episode Producer: Michelle Yagi and Production Manager: Crystal Lee
Audio mixing by Heather Brown and Recording engineer Matt Rideout
Special thanks to The Arctic Circle Residency Program and fellow residents, Climate Change Theatre Action, ACTRA Toronto, and the Canadian Actors’ Equity Association.
And the series Climate Change & Other Small Talk is:
Created by me, Sunny Drake
Produced by Sunny Drake Productions in association with Why Not Theatre
Lead Producers: Fanny Martin and Najla Nubyanluv
Concept Dramaturg: Kevin Matthew Wong
Impact Producer & Climate Dramaturg: Chaprece Henry
Communications Producer: Daniela Gerstmann
Central Audio Producers: Heather Brown & Richard Feren
Special thanks to our series funding bodies: Canada Council for the Arts, Toronto Arts Council and Ontario Arts Council. And to so many others who you can check out on the website. It truly does take a village to raise a podcast.
This episode was recorded in Tkaronto, Toronto, which is Dish With One Spoon territory, the territory of many nations, including the Mississaugas of the Credit, the Anishnabeg, the Haudenosaunee and the Wendat peoples.
We honour all Indigenous nations and communities who have cared for and continue to care for this land.
Until next time, make your way over to our website and newsletter, climate change and other small talk dot com. Thanks so much for listening!