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CLIMATE CHANGE AND OTHER SMALL TALK

EPISODE FOUR: HOW NANNA AND POP LEARNED ABOUT CLIMATE CHANGE (THE HARD WAY)

[RUNNING WATER. A BARKING DOG. A SCREEN DOOR OPENS. FOOT STEPS ON WOOD.]

NANNA: Eh! What have I told you about wasting water!  Your ear blocked or something!

GIRL: (in the distance): Why can’t I waste it. Everyone else does.

Nanna gives a big sigh.
NANNA (loudly): Because if we wasted it like everybody else there wouldn't be any left. Now come here and tell me what they’ve been teaching you at school. 

Footsteps then the creak of a chair as Nanna takes a seat.

The screen door squeaks open and there is the heavy tread of footsteps on the veranda.
POP
Ere’s ya cuppa.
NANNA
Thanks luv.
Sound of tin pannikins being placed on a wooden table. The scrape of chair legs on the wooden floor and then the sound of POP (old bloke) plonking himself in his chair.
Girl thuds up the veranda steps. A dog shakes the water from its coat. Growls of protest from Nanna and Pop.
POP: Ayy! Get orf ya mongrel!

NANNA: Go on git Ringo! Git!

The sound of scampering feet as Ringo runs off.

GIRL: Where am I going to sit?

NANNA: Floor there.

GIRL: I’m not sitting on the floor it’s all wet!

NANNA: Well who was wasting water? 
Grumbling noises as girl sits on the floor. Slurping noises as Nanna and Pop hoover up some tea.

NANNA: So what you been learning at school my girl? Anything interesting?

GIRL: Well today I learnt about cows farting.
A pause.
POP: There must be something wrong with my hearing aid, I thought she said cows farting.
Pop chuckles and fiddles with his hearing aid. There is the momentary squeal of a hearing aid as Pop readjusts it.

NANNA: Maybe I need a hearing aid as well. That’s what I thought she said too.
GIRL: You both heard right. That’s what I said.

The clank of pannikins being hastily placed down on a wooden surface.
Pause.

POP: Geez I’d have been flogged if I’d said that when I was a kid.

NANNA: Me too. So what happened to learning about reading, writing and arithmetic?
GIRL: We still do that.

POP: Okay, so learning about farting cows doesn’t take up all your time then. That makes me feel a whole bloody lot better.

GIRL: We’re not just talking about cows farting. What they’re doing is bad for the planet.

POP: Now I’ve heard everything, Maisie. Who’d have thought I’d see the day when cows farting were part of the school teaching.
NANNA: Yeah, there’s something not right about that, is there?
POP: No there’s  is not, and surely people have got better things to worry about.

NANNA: You’d think so. And its not like the poor cows can help it.

GIRL: I know they can’t help it Nanna but there are so many of them that its become a problem. That’s all I’m trying to say.
POP: So why are they letting them breed up then?

NANNA: Its just greed George, people just want to brag and say they’ve got more cows than everyone else.

POP:  Well if these greedy bastards are creating the problem then they should be the greedy bastards who have to fix it.
A moments silence. Murmurs of assent from Nanna and grand daughter.

POP: So, what about us then? There are a lot of us too and we do it. Fart I mean.

NANNA: Speak for yourself.

POP: You don’t need to get defensive Maisie. I know when you’re asleep at night you can’t hear yourself but I tell you love, sometimes it is just chronic.

NANNA: Oh you can talk! If they could hook you up to the grid you’d light up half of Australia.
POP: Now that’s a bit below the belt Maisie. And in front of our granddaughter too.

GIRL: Its ok, you don’t have to fight about it! Its just natural gas. Everyone does it.

NANNA: Oh, that’s a new one!  Natural gas eh. Did you hear that George?
POP: Yeah I did Maisie. I heard it.
GIRL: Oh my god! You asked what I learnt today and I told you!
NANNA: No, she’s right George, we did ask.
POP: That’s true, that’s true, sorry luv. But going back to my question. Are our farts bad for the planet too.
NANNA: And whales, what about them?

POP: Yeah, whales, they’d generate a fair bit wouldn’t they? And come to think of it, their openings, you know where the gas came out would have to be as big as my head.

GIRL: Do you have to be so graphic Pop!

NANNA: He’s got a point luv, we’re talking about a lot of gas here aren’t we? 

GIRL: Okay, yes we are. But it’s not all bad, at least the hole in the ozone layer is getting smaller.

NANNA: Hole? You never mentioned no hole before.

POP: Yeah, what hole?
The girl groans. 

GIRL: There’s a big hole up in the sky. 
NANNA: What? You’ve seen it?

GIRL: No. But Miss says there’s a big hole up there somewhere.

NANNA: And that makes it true does it, because Miss says so?

POP: Geez, no wonder there’s so much unemployment if that’s what they’re bloody teaching you at school.

NANNA: And what sort of a job are you expected to get from learning about cow farts and big holes.

GIRL: Well you do things that help the environment Nanna.

NANNA: Environment? That’s just another word for the government isn’t it?
GIRL: Oh, why did I even start this conversation...
POP: You don’t want to start working for that mob mate, that government they’re crooks. Isn’t that right Maisie?

NANNA: You never said a truer word George.
The sounds of tea being drunk.

POP: So what sort of a hole is it? Its not going to swallow us up or anything?

GIRL: No only black holes do that.

NANNA: What! How many holes are there!

GIRL: Oh my god! Black holes are in outer space, we don’t have to worry about them okay!

POP: This is getting confusing now. 

NANNA: Couldn’t agree more George, I’m still trying to get my head around that other hole. 

GIRL: Why did I even open my mouth. Can we talk about something else?

NANNA: I think we need to sort these holes out first luv.

POP: I agree, I’m worried we could get killed. 

GIRL: No-one’s going to get killed okay! You’ve been watching too much TV.
POP (sulkily)Nothing wrong with that.

NANNA: Don’t get upset luv, we’re just trying to find out if we’re in danger.
POP: That’s right. How are we going to look after ourselves if we get killed? That’s what I want to know.

GIRL: It’s just a big hole, that’s all. And we need to start looking after the planet to stop things getting worse.

POP: Worse!?

NANNA: Oh my god! Did she say worse! Please George tell me she didn’t.
GIRL
Just forget what I said Nanna okay.
NANNA
Forget! How am I supposed to forget that there’s a big hole lurking out there somewhere...
POP
But we don’t need to worry too much because it isn’t a black one that’s going to suck us up.
GIRL
Oh for gods sake you two! I wish I’d never opened my mouth! I don’t want to talk about this anymore!
A silence descends. Sounds of fidgeting.
POP
Ummm... can I ask...
GIRL
Geez Pop what did I just say!...
Oh mums here, thank god! Okay, see ya Nanna, see ya Pop. Sorry for scaring you.
The sound of a car pulling up.
NANNA
Yeah, see ya luv.
The sound of the girl running off the veranda and then crunching on the gravel driveway.
Nanna and Pop make drinking cup of tea noises.
POP
What do you think?
NANNA
Might need to have a talk with that daughter of ours.
POP
Made my hair stand up with all that talk about big holes and black holes and stuff.  
A pregnant pause.
NANNA
You ever noticed how she walks like her father.
POP
Yes I have, poor kid.
NANNA AND POP’S VERANDA. EVENING. EXT.
The sound of a phone ringing. The phone gets answered.
DAUGHTER
Hi mum.
NANNA
Hi luv.
DAUGHTER
What’s up?
NANNA
Well its just that umm..I’m a bit worried about that grand daughter of ours.
DAUGHTER
What’s she done now?
Pop yelling out from the background.
POP
She’s talking about cows farting and big holes. It’s not healthy for a kid her age to be talking about stuff like that.
DAUGHTER
What? Can you put it on speaker mum. Just press the button on the phone that looks like a speaker.
Nanna lets out a big sigh.
NANNA
Gawd, which one is that? All this damned technology. Hang on. There, is that right?
DAUGHTER
Yeah, that’s it. Now what were you saying?
NANNA
Well, like dad said, she’s talking about cows farting and big holes and stuff like that.
POP
Yeah, she’s really putting the wind up us. We don't know whether we should plant those tomatoes or what. We mightn’t be around to eat them.
NANNA
Oh, don’t say that luv, I feel no good even thinking about it.
Daughter laughs.
NANNA
Its not funny. We’re getting too old for this sort of thing with our blood pressure and all. 
POP
Yeah. Who’d have thought when we woke up this morning that we’d end up worrying about the planet.
DAUGHTER
It’s all right you two. She’s been learning about climate change at school. That’s all it is.
POP
Climate change? Like dry season and wet season?
DAUGHTER
No that’s the natural cycles of the seasons. Climate change is different. Its where the earth is getter warmer and the ice caps are melting too fast, so sea levels are rising.
POP
So what’s it got to do with cows letting off gas?
DAUGHTER
The methane from the cows is causing climate change and the big hole she’s talking about is the ozone layer.
NANNA
Well why didn’t she just say that. We thought it was something dangerous.
DAUGHTER
It is. And on top of that, white fellas have been burning gas and coal for centuries and creating all sorts of waste like plastic. The planet just can’t keep up with it. 
NANNA
And to think I was getting real wild with that girl too, eh George.
POP
Yeah, poor kid.
DAUGHTER
And you know that gas pipeline the fossil fuel company wanted to put in the ocean off Uncles place?
NANNA
Off Tangiyaw?
DAUGHTER
Yes.
NANNA
The one that they tried to be sneaky about...
POP
... when they didn’t come and talk to you and the Land Council?
DAUGHTER
Yes that one. And even if nothing went wrong and all our ocean wildlife wasn’t wiped out from a toxic spill, the gas they wanted to take from there was always going to be dangerous to the planet. 
NANNA
Like we haven’t got enough things to worry about.
POP
honestly Maisie talking about this stuff makes me feel like I might as well go and sit under a tree and wait for the world to end.
DAUGHTER
I know it sounds scary but if our kids understand what’s going on then maybe we’ve got a better chance of saving what we’ve got left.
POP
Well its a bit hard when they talk about big holes and cows farting and other weird stuff. You can’t blame any normal person for wanting to switch off. 
NANNA
True George. But we have to remember, they’ve got to live here too so they’re not going to mess things up for themselves are they.
POP
No, you’re right Maisie. As always.
NANNA
I know.
DAUGHTER

I gotta go mum, talk soon

NANNA

See ya love

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TARNTIPI BEACH. DAY EXT.
Nanna and Pop are sitting on the beach. There is the sound of the wind blowing through the Casuarina and the gentle waves rolling in from the ocean. There is a camp fire with a billy boiling. There is the rattle of enamel cups and the sound of tea being poured into them.
NANNA
Nothing like a nice cuppa. Ere you go.
POP
Thanks luv.
The sound of the wind in the tree and the ocean.
POP
So what do you reckon about this climate change thing.
NANNA
Its made me think about our old people who were here before the murrantawi came and made us live in houses.
POP
Yeah, before us whitefellas came and brought all our rubbish.
NANNA
And your religion.
POP
Before you had to wear clothes.
NANNA
Oh, trust you to think of that.
Nanna and Pop chuckle.
NANNA
And thinking about our old people made me remember a story my maningaw told me about this place.
POP
Do I know it?
NANNA
I don’t think so?
POP
Well doesn’t matter if I do, tell me again.
Nanna takes a sip of tea.
NANNA
You know that big rock on the beach that’s all smooth inside and you can sit in it like a nest?
POP
Yeah, I know that one.
NANNA
Well once back when my aminay was a boy the cliff there stuck out a long way into the sea. The old mob used to get ochre from there to paint up for ceremony. Red, yellow and white, and when the sun set the whole cliff glowed like there was a fire living inside it. Then one day there was a big storm. And as the waves crashed against the cliff it started to grab pieces of her and take them into the sea. Her long and beautiful legs were first, one leg and then the other were washed into the wild seas. Then her arms were next, one arm and then the other until all that was left was her body and her face looking out across the ocean. And then the waves had a rest for a bit, but her face was watchful and waiting because she knew that day she was going back to that place in the sea where she’d been born and where our spirits go when we die. And then the waves got wild again and finally she was carried away. She was gone. No more cliff. Nothing except for the big rock that she left behind for us, that was her heart. 
The sound of the wind and the waves rolling on the shore.
POP
Maisie.
NANNA
Yes George.
POP
You can tell me your stories any time of the day.
NANNA
Oh, you always know the right things to say to me don’t you.
POP
Sure do. And if those stories about climate change and big holes are cow farts true then I think we’d better enjoy this beach while we’ve still got it.
NANNA: I think you’re right.
POP: So, skinny dip?
NANNA: Oh George!

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