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CLIMATE CHANGE AND OTHER SMALL TALK:
EPISODE FIVE: SYMPATHY FOR MISS WATERS BY BRUCE GIBBONS FELL
SUNNY DRAKE: You’re listening to Climate Change & Other Small Talk. A worldwide theatrical journey for your ears - minus the carbon footprint and lost luggage. Nine creative teams from around the world share entertaining audio dramas to explore our climate mess. And what could get us out. You’re here with yours truly, Sunny Drake, your tour guide and series creator. On our tour so far, we’ve encountered people on journeys of learning who have started to take action. But what about when our past actions have been so crappy, that it’s kind of hard to make up for them? How do we right our relationships with each other and the planet when the poop has really hit the fan?
We’ll follow one attempt by climbing aboard our carbon-neutral solar powered worker-owned balloon
[HOT AIR BALLOON TAKING OFF]
SUNNY DRAKE: And touching down in Viña del Mar on the coast of Chile, for Cocodrilo Triste’s episode written by Bruce Gibbons Fell. Bruce is a queer award-winning playwright, whose work I’d been hearing about for years - his obsession with intertwining pop culture and politics in dark comedy has intriguing and inventive results.
Get ready for “Sympathy for Miss Waters” by Bruce Gibbons Fell.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
MARINA: Hey, Sandy, it’ Marina. It’s been a minute. Could we talk? Like, face to face?
[THE BEEP OF AN AUDIO MESSAGE ENDING.]
MARINA: Hey Sandy, it's Marina. I tried to log into my email account today, but it wasn't working. So, I called Alondra at the front desk, and she said she'd look into it, but…
[BEEP.]
MARINA: Sandy… please pick up…
[BEEP.]
MARINA: Hey Sandy, it's Marina. I know you said there's nothing to explain, but a little context can't hurt, right? It's been a couple of days since you told me it was over, but I mean… I'm good… great… fantastic salesperson. You trained me to be your best, remember?
[BEEP.]
[RUNNING WATER. A CAR RADIO STATIC AND FLIPPING CHANNELS.]
MARINA: Hey. I’m parked outside the house. The house I tried to sell but kind of couldn’t but kind of did and…
[BEEP.]
MARINA: That day, when I had a job and was about to sell the house… everything was perfect, Sandy. And above the property, as I waited for the buyer, the seagulls were doing their beautiful -
[MARINA IMITATES THE SOUND OF SEAGULLS]
[BEEP.]
MARINA: Sorry, let me try replicating their sound so you can picture the setting…
[MARINA IMITATES THE SOUND OF SEAGULLS AGAIN, BETTER.]
[BEEP.]
MARINA: Sandy, remember when I’d spend hours imitating the sounds of nature and you’d spend hours laughing with me?
[SUSPENSEFUL SOUNDS. SOMETHING PLUNKS IN WATER.]
MARINA: I’m gonna tell you how it all went down. I didn’t see the buyer arrive, and suddenly she’s standing there, across the gate. And I say:
“Hello, Miss Waters, my name is Marina Marino.”
She said she knew that already. She had a really strange accent. And then I opened the gate: it made absolutely no noise. No screeches here, for such a legendary waterside mansion gate.
She asks if oiled it. I say I did. She says he doesn’t like oil.
“Not even in a salad?”
She laughs, and I think: Miss Waters and me, we are going to be friends.
“Don’t you love this entrance? Lots of space to park your cars”.
She says she doesn’t drive.
“Lots of space for your friends to park their cars”.
She said her friends don’t have cars: she’s not friends with anyone who has cars. She was nice about it. She smiled again, oh, and whenever she did, her lips made a lovely little sound like -
[MARINA IMITATES THE SOUND OF MISS WATERS’ LIPS, SMACKING THEM.]
She was beautiful but it’s hard to remember her face now, after what happened.
I say: “There’s a lot of things you can do with this outdoor space, but let me tell you about that later. Wait till you see the pool.”
And then we went inside… and as I did, I remembered our pool business, Sandy. The best of times. They can come back, right?
[BEEP. RUNNING WATER.]
MARINA: Hey. Sorry for not sending you more messages, explaining, but… these past three days, I've been feeling… I guess seeing the house made me a little sad, made me say things I had to delete… because I can change, and… Hey, Sandy. I'm also sorry, though I'm not sure you recognized me today. I crashed against you at the mall. I was buying a costume for the office party.
[BEEP.]
MARINA: Sandy, I didn’t mean to sell the house at a lower price. She seemed to like the house. She smiled. Did I tell you her lips sounded like -
[SHE IMITATES THE SOUND OF MISS WATERS’ LIPS. SMACKING THEM.]
[BEEP.]
MARINA: I took Miss Waters straight to the rooftop terrace.
“Doesn’t this barbecue area make you hungry just by looking at it?”
She says she doesn't eat meat… technically. I laugh. You know laughs disarm people when you're trying to make a sale but trust me, Sandy, she was lovely.
Then I say:
“Don’t you love these plants?”
She said she doesn’t love things that die by drying up.
"Now, speaking of life and death: this house is monumental; it will live forever. It’s built on a rock. Sounds biblical, right?".
And then she said:
MARINA DOING AN IMPRESSION OF MISS WATERS: "It will all be underwater at some point."
MARINA: "Speaking of water, doesn't the infinity pool just ask you to dive in?"
She says she likes open waters. I mention the beach across the street. "The water is cold, but it can get warmer, sometimes… Global warming, am I right?" She smiles, wide.
Then she said:
MARINA DOING AN IMPRESSION OF MISS WATERS: "Hotter water, things get heated. The ice is… breaking".
[BEEP.]
MARINA: Like Titanic. The ice. The beautiful, tragic ice, Sandy.
[BEEP]
MARINA: I showed her around the seven third-floor bedrooms, and Miss Waters talked about… you know… climate stuff… and about how properties by the coast will lose their value. “Not this one,” I say.
MARINA DOING AN IMPRESSION OF MISS WATERS: The ocean is changing, becoming contaminated, and coming to get us. Soon.
MARINA: Miss Waters says the house is going to be like those moments in movies where people get trapped in reduced spaces and the water begins to fill them, and the people stuck inside only have very little air to breathe and have trouble getting out, and then I mention Titanic to change the topic, and I told her how romantic Titanic is, and the ice being romantic, more romantic than snow but don't worry I said, the weather here is fantastic.
MARINA DOING AN IMPRESSION OF MISS WATERS: “I enjoy every kind of weather”,
Miss Waters says.
MARINA: And I say: “Some days you can get some delicious light rain when jogging to town, a comfortable twenty minutes away.”
MARINA DOING AN IMPRESSION OF MISS WATERS: “I don’t jog. I dive.”
MARINA: She said.
[BEEP.]
MARINA: So, I say: "There's an excellent place for diving, but nobody really talks about it. It's the other way, towards the fishermen's wharf. Some people dive from the rocks. Some live, some don't, but I guess that's fun for many. She said she doesn't die. She said she only transforms.
[BEEP.]
MARINA: I guess she follows some kind of cool religion, so I tell her about my most transformative experience: when you and I met at the cinema not far from the house, where you and I saw Titanic… “Which is now a gym and only a 5 minute drive away. Free parking for members, I go there myself.”
MARINA DOING AN IMPRESSION OF MISS WATERS: I don’t drive. I dive, remember?
MARINA: I keep a smile on my face, and she keeps walking around the house: second floor, dining rooms, living rooms, rec rooms, places to be with others, places to be alone, and she starts talking about ice again, and I radically change the topic. I tell her about how you and I had a pool business, and then started the real estate company. How we were friends and even lived in that house for a while… And as I told her all this, the waves began crashing louder, like this:
[MARINA IMITATES THE SOUND OF WAVES CRASHING]
[BEEP.]
MARINA: Miss Waters said the waves will start lapping at the door in future, then at one point they’d even enter the living room and…I interrupt. I say: “Let me tell you something about the unique sound the waves makes as they enter the master bedroom. It’s a soundtrack to sleep by, to love: real life ASMR.” And then she said:
MARINA DOING AN IMPRESSION OF MISS WATERS: STOP.
[BEEP.]
MARINA DOING AN IMPRESSION OF MISS WATERS: “Let’s talk price”.
MARINA: “The price is right” Then she’s like:
MARINA DOING AN IMPRESSION OF MISS WATERS: In the near future, millions will live in cities where sea levels will rise and affect hundreds of cities. Over a billion people live on land a few meters above high tide lines. And 13% of the population will feel the impacts of the rising sea levels. The ice melting. It helps… more than anything else."
MARINA: She winked and said:
MARINA DOING AN IMPRESSION OF MISS WATERS: "Like the Titanic. That ship steered by the powerful, moving thanks to the ones down below."
[BEEP.]
MARINA: Huh. I guess high value real estate is at risk, if she’s telling the truth.
[BEEP.]
MARINA: How much does the water rise when a ship crashes into an iceberg?
[BEEP.]
MARINA: She offered a thirteen percent of the price, based on the thirteen
percent of the population that will be affected. I told her we've never sold a house under asking. And she kept on. And suddenly, I'm thinking about the devaluation of private coastal property. What if she's right? So I think… I think we do this, sell her the house at a ridiculously lower price, we could take the hit and lead the company in another direction.
Ethical real estate. ETHICAL. Think about it, Sandy: people won't just like us, they'll love us. COSTA MARINO PROPIEDADES sells the house way below asking price, considering the devaluation due to the rising of the waters. We establish the discussion and get people to offer less money for them. And then we can repurchase them. Legally, somehow… And then we just brush off the whole thing and sell them again, at a high price. Or maybe we do keep it ETHICAL and find a new way to sell coastal property but… is there such a thing as ethical real estate?
[BEEP.]
MARINA: You're gonna love my costume. Remember that time we were going to go as Jack and Rose from Titanic, but you came as Ursula from The Little Mermaid and no one got my costume? It was hilarious.
[BEEP.]
MARINA: Say you’ll come to the party.
[BEEP.]
MARINA: I wonder if you’re listening to my audio messages at all.
[SUSPENSEFUL SOUNDS. WATER RUNNING.]
MARINA: Hey Sandy, it's Marina. Hope you're having fun at the party. I'm bummed no one told me they changed the location, that it's happening at your house, and that the concierge at your building said I wasn't on the list and couldn't go up. Makes me feel upset. You know I'm not the kind of person who gets upset, but I'm fun at parties. I tell jokes, and make funny noises like seagulls and waves crashing and you laugh… at me.
[SOUND OF MARINA SPLASHING FROM MOVING AROUND IN THE BATH.]
MARINA: Don't you? And then you tell the same jokes I had said, you'd tell them at business meetings with clients and they laugh… with you. And I feel… proud, of helping with the company. Like I did when you figured out how to make the pool business bigger, or when you said your last name should be first on the real estate company because it sounded better and I wasn't sure but then I thought wow I'm in really great company, with my best friend, Sandy Costa, my best friend now boss… Of course, I was delighted to be an agent and not a partner, because you always said I was better at the front lines… I was proud, and did my best… and then I screwed up. I'm nervous lately, not sure why. I haven't been able to sell but… I've also been lying to you, Sandy.
[BEEP.]
MARINA: I ran into Paloma outside your building. She told me you got the lawyers to get the sale annulled. I'm not sure you want to do that though… it's… oh… if you only knew who the buyer really is, Sandy…
[BEEP.]
MARINA: Miss Waters…she had something to say. And you’ll have to imagine my costume.
[BEEP.]
MARINA DOING AN IMPRESSION OF MISS WATERS: This house will be underwater sooner than you think.
MARINA: It’s 2023. How soon is soon?
MARINA DOING AN IMPRESSION OF MISS WATERS: The ocean will avenge those who have assaulted it.
MARINA: Is that true though? I mean, we have rights to water.
MARINA DOING AN IMPRESSION OF MISS WATERS: Seeing water as something humanity has rights over in this day and age is humanity's problem.
MARINA: It's hard to replicate the way she speaks.
MARINA DOING AN IMPRESSION OF MISS WATERS: Water belongs to no one. The waters are rising.
MARINA: As in the sea levels?
MARINA DOING AN IMPRESSION OF MISS WATERS: Rising up.
MARINA: Are you some kind of apocalyptic person from the internet?
MARINA DOING AN IMPRESSION OF MISS WATERS: The waters are starting to buy humanity off.
MARINA: With the gold the oceans collect from shipwrecks?
[MARINA LAUGHS]
MARINA DOING AN IMPRESSION OF MISS WATERS: The waters have their ways.
MARINA: Maybe we should go see the kitchen. The faucets are a work of art.
MARINA DOING AN IMPRESSION OF MISS WATERS: Do you always change the topic like this?
MARINA: “You could try changing the topic!” And then I lost my shit.
[BEEP.]
MARINA: Sorry, I deleted the previous message. And the one before.
[BEEP.]
MARINA: I lost my shit and she laughed.
MARINA DOING AN IMPRESSION OF MISS WATERS: You want something from me. Just like humanity came to the water when it got thirsty, and the water was good to you. When humans became humans, we lived in peace. When humans became the humans, you are now, the water became thirsty. Thirst is not only in your throat. It's in every single particle, like vengeance. You must know something about thirst: I can see it in your eyes.
[BEEP.]
MARINA: You and I, Sandy, we both sat alone at Titanic. Teenagers were looking for a thrill, for a distraction, from everything that hurt. We didn't know each other, I mean… I knew you from school…. But you didn't know I existed. I mean, why would you notice me? You were thirsty, and I noticed. I gave you some of my soda. You winked. I laughed. We went to the beach after. We became friends. The Chilean Pacific in summer: our favorite sight. You gave me a drag or two of my first cigarette. You told me to tell no one that you loved the movie. Was that your secret?
[BEEP.]
MARINA DOING AN IMPRESSION OF MISS WATERS: The water has done everything to help you. It hydrates your existence.
[BEEP.]
MARINA: I hydrated you. I befriended you. I changed when you asked me to but you didn't change. There was so much I needed to change to be your friend, remember? The ocean begins to change but we don't change and we abuse and steal and then the climate changes and the planet gets hot because I knew Miss Waters was right I mean, asymmetry, relationships, the…
[BEEP.]
MARINA: I'm not going to waste water over you anymore. What? I can't make a sale, two, three sales… and you… cut me off without even giving me the chance of telling you what happened?
[BEEP.]
MARINA: Do tears take vengeance?
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC. DRIPPING WATER.]
MARINA: I even talked about that night you painted my like one of your French girls and then we got into your dads car and drew broken hearts on the humid windows with our toes.
[BEEP.]
MARINA: I can still hear the Celine Dion song from Titanic in my head. Can you hear it? I’ll give you a couple of seconds to remember the beginning….
[BEEP.]
MARINA: Miss Waters said you’re a narcissist.
[MARINA IMITATES THE SOUND OF MISS WATERS’ LIPS SMACKING TOGETHER.]
[BEEP.]
MARINA DOING AN IMPRESSION OF MISS WATERS: Sandy is a narcissist.
[MARINA IMITATES THE SOUND OF MISS WATERS’ LIPS SMACKING TOGETHER.]
[BEEP.]
MARINA: Real estate is narcissistic.
[BEEP.]
MARINA: The water, on the other hand…
[BEEP.]
MARINA: I saw Miss Waters turn into water.
[BEEP.]
MARINA: It sounded like this:
[SHE IMITATES THE SOUND OF MISS WATERS TURNING INTO WATER—A GAGGING GURGLING SOUND.]
[BEEP.]
[SOUND OF MARINA STANDING UP IN WATER.]
MARINA: Dark, contaminated water. It was a beautiful sight.
[BEEP.]
MARINA: Miss Waters has all the gold that fell into the depths of the ocean.
[BEEP.]
MARINA: Miss Waters has all the gold that fell into the depths of the ocean because she is the ocean.
[MARINA IMITATES THE SOUND OF MISS WATERS’ LIPS.]
[BEEP.]
MARINA: Miss Waters is buying coastal property, all the coastal property she can. She wants us out of here… And so, do I.
[BEEP.]
MARINA: We failed the ocean. And you failed me, not the other way around.
[RUNNING WATER.]
[BEEP.]
MARINA: So, I took her lowball offer.
[RUNNING WATER. SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC.]
MARINA DOING A CULTY VOICE: Hello there, Sandy. This is Marina. I am at the house. I am a servant to the waters now. I have joined Miss Waters' cause because the waters are now my best friend and because I want you to hear the sound of vengeance.
[GAGGING NOISES]
MARINA: Listen:
[WATER, WIND, SEAGULLS]
MARINA: Listen, learn.
[WAVES CRASHING. BIRDS CHIRPING.]
MARINA: You should try it. This is me, flooding the house.
[LOUD WATER RUSHING]
MARINA: This is me, taking away the value of what we have put a high price on.
[WAVES CRASHING LOUDLY.]
MARINA: This is me.
[WAVES CRASHING LOUDLY. BIRDS SQUAWKING.]
MARINA: This ship, it’s going to sink. And the water’s heart will go on.
[BEEP.]
[BEEP.]
[BEEP.]
SUNNY DRAKE: That was the fifth episode of Climate Change and Other Small Talk, “Sympathy for Miss Waters”. Written and directed by Bruce Gibbons Fell.
Let’s not let things get as dire as in this episode – visit our Take Action page, where you can find climate campaigns that need your support. Add your voice today at climate change and other small talk dot com. That’s climate change A-N-D other small talk dot com. On the website you also can subscribe to our newsletter which dives into each episode.
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Tune in for our next episode, where we’ll follow new recruits at a US military drone centre which is aiming to go green:
ESPERANZA: Wars are being fought over the effects of the climate crisis: rising sea levels, droughts, fires, dry land corridors – like the one in Central America - that no longer produce food. This leads to mass migration. To our borders being overrun by desperate people who will do anything to enter our country. We are prepared. But without contributing to the root cause of the migration…All our jeeps are now electric. Just one more example of how we are on the cutting edge of sustainable war practices.
SUNNY DRAKE: Yikes! Join us to hear more.
Today’s episode, “Sympathy for Miss Waters”, starred Camila Le-Bert
Sound design, music, audio mixing and recording engineer: Benjamin McCarthy
Episode Produced by COCODRILO TRISTE with support from Sunny Drake Productions
Episode Producer and Production Manager Bruce Gibbons Fell
Special thanks to Carlos Briones
And the series Climate Change & Other Small Talk is:
Created by me, Sunny Drake
Produced by Sunny Drake Productions in association with Why Not Theatre
Lead Producers: Fanny Martin and Najla Nubyanluv
Concept Dramaturg: Kevin Matthew Wong
Impact Producer & Climate Dramaturg: Chaprece Henry
Communications Producer: Daniela Gerstmann
Central Audio Producers: Heather Brown & Richard Feren
Special thanks to our series funding bodies: Canada Council for the Arts, Toronto Arts Council and Ontario Arts Council. And to so many others who you can check out on the website. It truly does take a village to raise a podcast.
We’ll see you soon for the next episode. And even sooner on social media and over at our website and newsletter, climate change and other small talk dot com. Thanks for listening!